It's very hard to write about ALL of my regrets in life, as I've had many. Although I think one of my more major regrets are regarding my lack to reach out about some things.
I have a really hard time reaching out to people unless if they reach out first. Since graduation, I've only really spoken to about a handful of my friends. I tend to keep to myself, and in return it really does mess up my sense of connection with others. A lot of my relationships have unfortunately suffered because I simply do not reach out or express how I'm really feeling. I'm not sure as to why I do this, but I think I am overall very emotionally disconnected most days. I never know what to say, nor do I always feel a strong urge to reach out. It is NOT that I dislike people and wish them badly, but sometimes I just feel very indifferent. I prefer being alone and roaming in my own space.
Plus, before graduation everything felt natural and effortless. We saw each other almost every day at school, and conversations felt a lot easier. Now everyone has their own schedules, their own jobs, their own college plans. Staying in touch requires actual effort, which I am most definitely not familiar with.
I find it very sad because sometimes I realize weeks or even months have passed since I've talked to certain people. I don't mean to be distant whatsoever, but it's like I can't help it. I hope eventually I'll have the urge to reach out more or even be more open to people. I need to remind people more often that they mean a lot to me. I always assume that there will always be more time to talk and connect, but what if that isn't the case? Life can be so unpredictable.
I hope I look back at this entry someday and remember that relationships cannot maintain themselves. If I really value people in my life, I should probably be the one to reach out sometimes instead of always being the one waiting.
Thanks for reading.
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